As time is passing since Mom’s death I’m realizing that when you lose your mom you lose a large center of stability. A great wisdom is garnered by a woman that has raised a family and, although I didn’t always agree with Mom on everything, she was a soft place to land when the world seemed too big and daunting. I could usually take comfort in her just being here. There was an amazing acceptance in her. She loved her family, from her children down to her great-grandchildren, entirely unconditionally – which is something I’m only in hindsight realizing. Maybe that was part of the great wisdom she reaped from raising eleven children.
Mom was widowed at 48 years old. She still had young children at home. I never really gave her credit for being such a strong woman. The years following my Dad’s death were such very hard years on all of us. We floundered with each other and we floundered within ourselves. There were so many dark and grief-filled days, but somehow Mom pulled through and brought all of us through with her.
This past Monday would have been her birthday. She’s been gone a little over three years but there are still days I miss her so much I can’t breathe. There are days that precede a special event like her birthday or this upcoming weekend with Mother’s Day, in which my emotions explode and magnify and I don’t know why until something reminds me that these “marker” days are coming up.
Then it all makes sense. My center of stability is gone and I’m in the process of redefining that center. It’s hard. It’s a journey of two steps forward and one step back. It’s a winding path of indecision that on the outside appears to consist of choices that are clear and defined. It’s a process nobody else will understand until they are faced with their own similar process…and that – that is where Mom’s great wisdom came from…the many paths upon which she had to traverse.
We love you and miss you Mom. Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you ❤️