There’s a song that Francesca Battistelli sings – “If We’re Honest”. “Truth is harder than a lie, the dark seems safer than the light, and everyone has a heart that loves to hide.”
We all have hurts and we all try to hide them at times. I think it’s a form of self-preservation. We don’t trust ourselves to feel. If we feel… we have to do something with the emotions and we don’t always know where to put them. We build our walls and nobody would ever know they were there unless we told them or chose to show them. We form them brick by brick…using our trowels and applying just the right amount of mortar between them in order to keep the deluge of emotions tucked neatly away. Until that is – the foundation under our walls begin to shift and the mortar cracks, allowing the feelings to escape. Feelings don’t like being bottled up, so they act like a huge storm surge when they decide they’ve been locked away for too long. They demand recognition.
We build walls when we feel alone…when we feel that nobody will understand. Or that we’ll be rejected. The thing we have to realize is that we’ve all got “stuff”. We’ve all got baggage. It’s part of the human condition. I think if we really truly understood that, we could accept our own better. There’s nothing we’ve been through, nothing we’ve done, nothing that’s happened to us, that can make us less than anyone else. I never used to know this. I spent years of my life feeling that I was “less than”. I still struggle a lot with loving myself and I probably always will to an extent. Some things are so deeply engrained in us… But I’m so much better at it than I was years ago.
Life doesn’t happen to you all at once. It happens a day at a time over a period of years. Healing does the same. So be patient with yourself. Find the people in your life who are your mirrors – the people who love you and when they smile at you – show you the reflection of your beauty. And if you look into those mirrors enough you’ll start to see that reflection in your mind’s eye more and more, until it becomes a strong reality in your consciousness. Because you are loved. You are beauty.