There’s a beautiful Billy Joel song called “And So It Goes”. The lyrics start out:
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I’m not sure why that song came to mind. I suppose because I need that sanctuary tonight. Not because of lovers. Because of life. I’m using imagery and I envision a strongbox or chest inside of my heart and I have just a small tiny key to lock all of the hurt safely away, and once it’s locked I can very slowly take a breath…just a small one because it hurts too much otherwise. Just a small small breath. Not a deep one…it has to be a shallow slow breath. If I can do it without my heart hurting, I’ll be good and the next breath can be deeper, and the next and the next, until the sanctuary has taken hold.
I think that’s what loss does to us. It requires us to find a sanctuary that we can temporarily escape to because it breaks – no it tears open our hearts and souls and we can’t survive without a respite.
Dear God grief is such a cruel animal! There’s no time frame to work within and there’s no “pain meter” that you can set to not exceed a particular threshold. I’m assuming that most everyone that reads my blog knows it’s centered around the healing process and I try to be very honest with my feelings and thoughts so others going through similar emotions can feel less alone. By now I think the only readers are those traveling a similar journey. Just know you’re ok…whatever you’re feeling. But above all know that it’s ok to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you that you feel too much or for too long. That person has not been in your shoes. We’ll get through this together. And so it goes…