I’m learning. It’s not an easy process – learning. It can be painful and it can be confusing, and there are times that you feel like you will never ever find the answers to all of the immense questions in your life. But what I have found is that when I stop trying so hard to figure everything out, the answers come so much more easily. That’s very difficult for me because I always want to know the whys. I convince myself that if I know the whys then everything will make so much more sense, but that’s not true. Sometimes, life doesn’t make sense and no matter how hard we try, some things just aren’t going to.
Lately I’ve been trying to think of life as one big cathartic experience of the soul. We live in this world and we’re a product of what we’ve been exposed to, but it’s so much deeper than that. I think we are this huge soul born into this little tiny body and as we go through life we are constantly trying to figure out how to let that soul emerge from our bodies and grow and be free. I don’t look at it as being trapped in our bodies but more like our bodies are our soul’s vehicles somewhat. They take us through life and along different paths but our souls are free to glean what they will from the experiences that our bodies carry us through.
The questions come in when I’m trying to figure out what exactly it is that my soul wants and needs, because that isn’t always so clear. I know what I desire as an end result – I want a huge and incredible metamorphosis of my soul to happen by the time I leave this earth. Stagnation has never ever appealed to me and when I find myself in that place of utter stillness in my soul it’s when I am the unhappiest. I want to soar and I don’t know yet what that entails. I feel my soul wanting to fly so high that sometimes my heart just wants to burst open, but it’s unable to tell me at this moment where to fly and how – and that can be discouraging.
If I look at the life cycle of a butterfly, it has stages and each stage has a different purpose in order for the butterfly to complete its metamorphosis. It starts out as an egg laying on a leaf. And the really cool thing is that if you look really closely at the eggs you can see the tiny little caterpillar growing inside just like a tiny human being inside the womb would be. Then the eggs hatch and the caterpillar comes out and does absolutely nothing but eat, eat and eat some more, so that it will grow. The mother has to be sure to lay her eggs on the type of leaf that the caterpillar will eat because they are too small to move elsewhere so they start eating on the leaves that they were hatched on. Different butterflies like different types of leaves, so the environment is very important to its growth and development. During this time they do all of their growing. Now the cool part comes in. They’re done with their physical growing and now form their chrysalis and they stay in that chrysalis for awhile. If you look at it from the outside it appears that the caterpillar is just resting quietly inside, but what’s really going on is a period of IMMENSE change that will transform this caterpillar into this most amazingly beautiful butterfly that will eventually emerge from the chrysalis into the world. The butterfly rests for a bit after it comes out of the chrysalis and its wings are close to its body from having to fit into the chrysalis. After it’s rested, it starts pumping blood into its wings and flapping them so that it can fly – soar if you will 🙂
So I want to compare my life, my soul’s journey to the butterfly’s, and the time spent on this earth is my own little chrysalis. Hopefully, with any luck, the time I spend in it will be one of great transformation for me too. I want to emerge beautiful and flapping my wings like there is no tomorrow!! I just have to learn to allow life to “just happen” during the times that I don’t know where or how to steer it, and to trust that the chrysalis will take care of that. I don’t have to know everything right now. I’m going to be okay and my wings will eventually fly.
Ciao amici!!!! I love you!!!