Oh my dear friends!!!  How you have put up with my ramblings this past year!  It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year ago this month that I posted my first blog entry!  Since then I have had 4,450 views and 1,866 visitors to the site.  Now…this is really not very much considering it’s the “world wide web” 😉   However, it’s 1,800 people that took a moment to read my thoughts or poetry and for that I am grateful.  I think back and I ask myself if the blog served the purposes I was hoping it would:  1) To help me through the grief process   2) To help other people in similar situations
I can’t answer to the second one…I can only hope that bits and pieces have been helpful. When we lose someone close to us, I think we all grieve in our own individual ways. Sometimes, it’s helpful to be able to share that with others, as it has been for me, and sometimes it’s just a very private process. But whatever works, it’s the road we have to take to navigate through our darkness.
A year ago today, little Madeleine died. She’s missed. Very much so. It’s hard to know what this past year would have held if she were still with us, but it would have been hard on her because of her weak heart and other issues that her Trisomy 18 left her with. So I remember the four days we had with her in which she was to us, a very normal beautiful little baby that just wanted to be fed every three hours, have her diaper changed and be held, loved, and cooed over…and I remember we are truly blessed. It hurts…of course it does. But the saying “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” holds so much meaning now. I’m sure it wasn’t the context of the quote…this type of love, but it still fits. I know that personally I have grown because of Maddie. She has made my life so much richer and made me a better person in the process. One little life with so much impact. What I hold inside for her I’ll never really be able to express to anyone, and I am sure that her mom and dad and the rest of her families feel the same way inside. We each have our unique relationship with her even today – that can’t compare with that of her parents’ but nonetheless – hold so much value and love.
Oh baby girl…you are so beautiful…to me.