I like to think of myself as a learner. I’m always in process to somewhere else. Maybe you are in a certain place in life for a certain amount of time, and then the moment comes and you realize it’s time to move on again. Moving on is the hardest part because it also means leaving behind. But maybe you’ve already been left behind and you just haven’t quite been able to accept that, which means the moving on has already been accomplished…just not by you.
God, life can be difficult when you’re a thinker. That moment when you realize things aren’t what they once seemed and you have to re-evaluate and take a giant step back. Ah…changes in the wind once again. I honestly am so tired…so very tired. I’m tired of fighting myself. I’m tired of trying to change things that can’t be changed. I’m tired of hoping for things that won’t be and I’m tired of pretending to myself that they will. I’m tired of tears and I’m tired of caring.
In a perfect world there would be a “time out” from life that lasts long enough to rejuvenate yourself. And there would be this cool crystal ball that you could look into and see what, if anything, that you are doing makes any sense to continue. And you would have time to ask yourself why you are doing the things you are. For what end? For what value?
And in a perfect world you would stand up for yourself and say this is shit…and aren’t you worth more? Because nobody else is going to do that for you.
There’s an old old folk song I haven’t thought of in years but it just came to me…

“You’ve got to walk that lonesome valley…you’ve got to walk it by yourself…there’s nobody else that can walk it for you…you’ve got to walk it by yourself.”

Well…I’ve been walking it for a long, long time and my shoes are worn, my feet are tired, and it’s not any less lonely…

Ciao Amici…

Advertisements