Ok…so creepy lady came back out to the cemetery tonight. I think it’s the second or third time I’ve done this at night when I know nobody is around. It’s really the only place I can come to and really really cry…you know…those gut wrenching sobs that make you sound like you’re some kind of wild animal that’s caught in a spring trap…or a coyote howling in the not too far off distance… Okay…I’m exaggerating a tad BUT it definitely is cleansing and I just wanted to leave the nights blog on a good note…not so much for me but because I know people worry. I’ll be okay…I can’t speak for anyone else but I know that I’ve lost a lot and sometimes that hurt equates to fear that God will take away others in my life that I am close to. It’s subconscious but it’s there…close up before the next loss so the pain won’t be present. Nothing and no one lasts forever. I’m just not ready for any more loss – nobody ever is. But more than that I’m not ready to give in to the aftermath either. I’m not willing to become jaded or hardened. So that means a few days of allowing myself to feel this new wave of pain that’s inside until it dissipates…which it will. Life goes on and we can’t know the path it will wind down but I’ve got choices and I choose to keep moving forward…let’s chip away at the shell and crack that baby!! 😉

Ciao Amici!!

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