It’s late and I know I’m dead tired and should be sleeping, but my mind won’t let me. I ache. I am tired of trying. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of this asinine “grieving” and I’m tired of feeling like shit. I’m tired of not feeling secure and I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of writing poetry to try to feel better and I’m tired of trying to explain myself. I’m literally just sick and tired of everything. If I could scream right now I would.  I want to fast forward ten years or better yet back track one before I knew I was unhappy. Does anybody want to really know what this friggin grief process is all about?  It’s all about not knowing who you are anymore. It’s all about screwing up and it’s all about trying to live a normal life in a life that’s nothing but a huge upheaval.  It’s feeling good one day and feeling like the weight of the world is on you the next.  One day it’s crying more tears than a human body should be capable of producing and it’s being unable to express any emotion the next. It’s being pissed off that anyone even labels your feelings as a friggin grief process and it’s not being able to wait to get through the damn thing.  It’s wanting to freaking swear like a sailor but not knowing how.  It’s wanting to throw things off of your dresser and it’s wanting to break every dish in your house. I think I can safely say I’ve entered the anger stage of the flipping “grief process”…Congratuphuckinlations to me!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

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